In South Africa

26Jun08

Now that the time is upon me, it seems like there isn’t any time to prepare—it’s all happening so quickly!

At any rate, by the time you read this I’m probably in a plane on my way, or already there… in South Africa.

From April (and until November) my girlfriend Maria has been working at Sinakekele. A kind of up-and-coming orphange for children orphaned by AIDS. Right now there are only four children, all of whom Ruth, the woman who runs the organization, has legally adopted. Jake, Simon, Siya and Mary. They’re all around Grade One age, which is perfect for me, because I absolutely love that age group.

Maria has been there since April working with the kids in the afternoon when they’re home from school, cooking meals, and entertaining them. For part of the time that I’m there, the kids will be on winter break from school so Maria and I will have a fun time looking after them all day and keeping them busy. I’m bringing over my teacher hat to help with this last part. (It isn’t a real hat, merely a proverbial one!)

I’m excited to go. It’s weird a bit of a weird dynamic, going to a strange and new place, but going there to see a very familiar face. Although, the joke is that I always forget what Maria looks like when we’ve been apart for long periods of time. Not that I forget her face, but I forget what it’s like in person. Believe me, she’s something else! (She’ll kill me for writing that bit!) :) At any rate, it’s crazy to think that I’m going to the other side of the world, and Maria will be there when I get there. Kind of crazy at least.

I’m there until August 7, so for five weeks, and when I get back, 2 days later, my family is all leaving for Newfoundland. That’ll be intense!

While I’m in South Africa, I’ll try to update. I should have the internet on weekends, and perhaps once or twice during the week but there are no guarantees at all. It’s possible that you won’t hear from me at all. But I’m bringing my camera, and lots of stuff to write with, so I’ll have lots of stories when I come back. It’s going to be great!
See you soon.

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Real and Perceived Guilt

20Jun08

Prompted by this discussion I feel like I want to say a few things about real and perceived guilt.

As a Christian, I too am a firm believer in the “still small voice” as we call it. A conscience. Somehow in Christian theology this is linked up with the Holy Spirit, the comforter and wisdom-giver which Jesus promises in the New Testament. In some way, which I cannot exactly get it, the Holy Spirit and our conscience are linked. But when I think about this, it gets a bit confusing.

As Christians we’re given the Holy Spirit, but not everyone is given it, that is, those who aren’t “Christian” don’t have it. So conscience is something different, because psychology tell us that everyone, except maybe serial killers and people with select mental disabilities, has a conscience. In other words, all healthy human beings have a conscience. But then there’s the question of what work the Holy Spirit is doing in us. I know part of the role of the Holy Spirit is to convict us, to bring things to our attention in our lives and the world—to let us in on the heartbeat of God, but then this is different than a conscience? Is the Spirit perhaps some kind of greater conscience?

I don’t know, but I do know that somewhere in here is our ability to feel guilt.

Guilt comes from somewhere. Non-Christians feel guilt from certain actions, so it must be that our conscience is the trigger but then the Holy Spirit supposedly plays a role in convicting us of sin, does it not?

Where it really gets cloudy for me, however, is in the notion of real and perceived guilt.

See, if we’re going to go around saying that the Holy Spirit (plus our conscience) can convict us of sin and tell us when we’re guilty we’re really investing a lot in the notion that these two mechanisms (spirits?) are infallible, aren’t we? If we’re claiming that I can know when I’ve done wrong when I have a certain feeling then we’re putting a lot of stake in that particular feeling, I believe. Of course, in addition to the feeling we have the written word of God, the Bible, to let us know what is and isn’t sin—what is right and what’s wrong—but even the casual student of the Word knows how much gray area there is in the ancient texts.

So we’re left to rely on this feeling which I think we often just assume, without any real self-examination, is coming from God Himself. And I think that is a bit of a dangerous game because as humans we are fallible. If we’re fallible how can we truly pick up on a broadcast signal like the Holy Spirit which is infallible, without mixing things up a little bit. We can’t, I don’t think, because we’re human. So there must be times when we feel led by the Holy Spirit, in communion with the Holy Spirit, and even convicted by the Holy Spirit, then it’s simply a matter of mixing up the signals.

I’m about to say something bold here but I think this is maybe where a tradition like confession makes a hell of a lot of sense.

I’ve found that confessing something you feel guilty about, whether or not its a sin, is a huge deal. I’m sure you’ve found this too. Since I’m not a Catholic, this kind of confession has been between my therapist and myself (not with a priest) but the cathartic experience is much the same. And, here’s the most important part, when it’s merely a kind of perceived guilt, the person you’re confessing to can offer some insight into the situation. Say, for example, I’m feeling guilty over gorging myself on chocolate every night before bed. Is the guilt real or perceived? Is it the Holy Spirit, my conscious, some imperfect in-between? A confession to a priest or otherwise would go a long way towards helping me figure it out. A whole lot of insight could be offered by someone outside of myself. But of course, humans (even priests) are fallible as well—but a second opinion is no doubt invaluable in a situation where you’re in a gray area of guilt.

I know I’m always harping on how great confession is, but I’m right.

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The Question of Competition

19Jun08

As someone who is around children a lot, this is a question that I find I’m constantly asking myself: is it better to encourage cooperation or allow for competition? Here’s a practical example:

Out on the field, playing soccer with a group of students I notice that there are a few of them who are very talented at the game. They can handle the ball, turn it around well, and pass and shot very skillfully. However, in this same game, there are other students who aren’t as good. They can shoot, but not with very much accuracy, they can’t really pass and they don’t move around the field.

I encounter a situation in which a few of the students who aren’t as good at the game begin to complain. They aren’t being passed to, they aren’t getting a chance to shoot or “boot it” as they say.

From my perspective as an adult, and a soccer player, the reason why these few poorer players aren’t getting a chance to really play is because they’re not giving themselves chances. One student, who is miles away from where the ball is in play, stands there shouting “pass it to me!” But who would ever pass it to him—and can you blame them, he’s at the back of the field, not even near where the play is taking place, nevermind the net.

As I take in the scene I ask myself that question again. As the adult what is my role? Naturally, I feel like I want to admonish the kids who are doing well and let them play the ball, they deserve it, they’ve earned it and they shouldn’t be held back. After all, the students who are poorer at the game aren’t even trying—they’re standing far away from the other players and simply complaining. Do they really deserve to be included if they’re not even going to make the effort?

On the other hand, can they be blamed? Perhaps if they were included more they’d improve, and maybe they should be included more for this exact reason. Maybe they don’t understand that they’re only going to get passes if they’re up in the play area, or then again, maybe they’re just lazy and enjoy complaining. It’s a hard call to make. And above all of these questions is an even larger one, maybe: what is school itself intended to foster? Competition or cooperation? In most cases it’s really both, and maybe the soccer game at recess is evidence of just how many mixed signals these students are receiving.

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Sponsor Me

18Jun08

Recently, I heard a woman on CBC Radio raging against the pink ribbon campaign that organizations which fight cancer (or work to raise cancer awareness) have been using for some time now. You know, those pink ribbons that you seem stuck on cars? Pink wrist bracelets? Pink shirts and hats… and anything pink, really. The woman on the radio was raging against it. A cancer survivor herself I couldn’t understand it; she seemed half-crazy at first, to be honest, but when she was finally able to articulate her position and to explain what she was so upset about it actually made sense.

Rather than the campaign itself, this woman was angry over the concept of sponsorship, which was embodied in the ribbons, and now the colour pink itself. The idea that, in order to raise money for something, people expect something in return. She was upset that the campaign sold merchandise (the aforementioned ribbons, t-shirts, hats, etc.) on their website with a part of the proceeds going to fight cancer. She was upset that people have to go on walk-a-thons, shave their heads, or not eat for a couple of days in order to raise money for worthy causes. And I can understand why she was mad.

As a cancer survivor this woman knows how difficult it can be, fighting the disease, and her anger is towards a society which doesn’t care enough to just give. Instead, our society needs a reason. We need a walk-a-thon, or someone to cut off all their hair or do something ridiculous in order to open our pocketbooks. And that seems insane to me.

And the more I think about it, the more I agree with the woman on the radio. Why is it that we can’t just give money for the sake of it? Why do we need to buy a t-shirt, instead of sending money directly to cancer researchers or sponsor someone to walk for 10km when we could take that money and give it to a hospital. It just doesn’t make any sense; why don’t we just give without requiring some silly, trite little expression in return?

As the woman caller finished up her discussion with the radio host one thing that she said really summed up her position (and mine) perfectly. She said something like, I don’t want people running races for cancer, I don’t want people going around wearing pink, I want everyone to realize what a terrible thing cancer is and that we need to fight against it. (If people actually realized this, she supposes, they wouldn’t need an event like a walk-a-thon in order to give money, they would just give, all the time.)

I don’t mean to be picking on cancer either, because this applies to all fundraising ventures that employ some kind of tactic or gimmic. Honestly, if a cause is worthy enough, we as a human race should simply be able to realize it and throw our money its way. Sadly, this is far from the case and I don’t know why it is that we need to cheapen pain, suffering, or grief in order to make money to fight against it.

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Sole Source of Salvation

17Jun08

Over the past few years I’ve had a wavering interest in the Catholic Church. Inspired by different people in my life, I’ve found myself being drawn in to some of the elements of Catholicism. Namely, the idea of a faith community with such a long history with a clear authoritative hierarchy really appeals to me. My problem with the aspects of Evangelical Protestantism that I’ve been exposed to is a severe lack of any kind of authoritative chain-of-command. It’s too loosey goosey for my liking, sometimes.

So Catholicism has a certain appeal. At the same time, there are, in my mind, too many pieces which don’t, or haven’t, fit together. (I am not trying to open up a theological debate, merely speaking my mind. Naysayers take heed.)

I can’t get behind the Catholic Church as the sole source of salvation: the only way to God. I don’t see it in the Bible and while I understand that just as much Catholic teaching finds its roots in tradition, not necessarily in the Bible, I still can’t get behind this particular teaching—largely because Jesus came, did he not, to disassemble religions which taught that they were the only way to God, that taught that it was only be obeying certain strict regimes that one could be saved, that taught that it was only through a priest (and then only certain priests) that you could commune with the Almighty.

As far as I can tell, Jesus came to destroy that way of life. Jesus invited all that came to Him to receive what He had to offer. He never speaks of this kind of salvation only being available through a Church he was going to establish. I will grant you that Jesus established the first Church through St. Peter, but I find no convincing claim that He ever intended this lineage to be the only route to salvation.

I can’t get behind this because as my friend Andrew points out, and as my friend Tom knows well, there is another church which claims to be the church Jesus established through Peter. And they have good things to say as well.

Still, in either case, I can find nothing to persuade me that Jesus established only one church on earth and that He intended for this church alone to possess the power to save souls. I just don’t see it; but, as always, I remain open-minded… and skeptical, too.

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